Motherhood

Finding Motherhood Hard

My kids are such hard work at the moment, ‘It’s an age thing’ is what I keep telling myself because otherwise I don’t think I’d cope. I’m not doing a very good job at coping at the moment anyway. It’s a constant battle of not listening and crying. Alfie whinges and whines all the time when I ask him to do something. He’s a 4 year old boy – surely he should be happy?

This morning Lacey had an absolute meltdown in the One Stop, over nothing of course. After Lacey’s breakdown I drove straight home. I was meant to be meeting a friend at a toddler group but I decided that paying £4 for a morning full of screams from Lacey wasn’t worth it.

I’ll be honest, I was really fucked off, and to top it all off I dropped Lacey’s juice bottle and it rolled under the car, that was the tipping point, I lent against my car and cried. I don’t know if any neighbours saw me but I had gone past the point of caring.

I’ve cried a lot over the past few weeks. Some days I think I’m a terrible mother. I shout a lot and I have no patience. I feel a sense of guilty relief when I drop Alfie of at school meaning that I only have one child to battle with that day. I just want a happy home – is that too much to ask?

To the Mums who are finding the daily grind hard, me too. We are all in this together. You are doing an amazing job even if it doesn’t feel like it at times. We all have good days and bad days. When I first had Alfie Jonny used to come home from work to me sat in tears on the kitchen floor, I’ve come a long way since then. You are allowed to cry, you are allowed to get pissed off, you are allowed to feel all these feelings, just don’t forget to have good feelings too, and talk to someone if you need help.

To the lady in the One Stop who packed my bags and gave me blue roll to wipe Lacey’s tears – Thank you. Also to the gentleman behind me in the queue trying to make her smile – Thank you. A little gesture goes a long way, remember that next time you see a parent struggling, help them, don’t judge.. It happens to the best of us.

If you have any tips or ways to help with patience or techniques to help please comment below xxxx

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